Docter Weird
Docter Weird is an arrogant, compulsive liar who claims to know and do magic and is also a Doctor. Origin Know one fucking knows where this guy came from, but one day out of nowhere he comes out all like "HEY EVERYONE I AM IMPORTANT, EVERYONE LOOK AT ME!" What he does No one knows what he actually does, since he is a compulsive liar and a fool. It's like that one kid who "has an uncle who works for nintendo" and knows about and has played every nintendo game in development. No one likes him, but it doesn't stop him from involving himself in literally every single thing Awesomes do. Maybe that's his power? Not really, but good timing has nothing to do with super powers...not like it's difficult to do when most of them announce what they are planning on or some villain blows up the center of the earth with a bomb that practically writes what's happening in big fucking smoke letters in the sky. Honestly it's a surprise anyone even is aware of the word "covert". The only time Docter Weird is not annoyingly present at your super-secret operation is if he doesn't somehow manage to ask for a ride there and guilt-trips people about not including him. Seriously, every time Master Drive or Jet Man tries to go ANYWHERE, he's on the phone telling them he's stuck in Downtown and needs a lift back home because the buses stopped operating an hour ago and WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO NOW????!!! The magical rifts and leylines are in SERIOUS FUCKING DANGER and the Magical Mighty Docter Weird is the only one who can possibly protect them for some reason. So why doesn't he just teleport there or use one of the many magical techniques to transport his lame ass there, you ask?! Well it's either because the "magical floes" are unstable or "teleport spells don't work today only" or if he tries to do it, it may disrupt the natural order and he should not do that ever. I mean, goddamn When you tell him no, he just makes you feel bad by crying or yelling at you and telling you you don't love him or you're being unfair. HOW DARE YOU want to go out and stop a villain who can fuck time without having a completely useless liability hanging on you, forcing you not only to fight the villain, but to also make sure that he's happy and not getting his head blown off because he is somehow unable to use his common sense even though he has "complete mastery" of the arcane secrets. Seriously, he can't even drive a car. He won't even bother to learn! You can offer to teach him, but he'll get upset and tell you he's above it. Or if you try to teach him something, he might get mad at you and claim you think you're better than him for having some skill and you're only trying to make him look bad. If he does try to help you with something - and he will - his idea of help is some really retarded thing and when you correct him, he gets all huffy about it and has an attitude problem for the rest of the fucking day. He'll tell you, "Oh I know all about this villain" and when you ask him for advice, he suddenly doesn't know a fucking thing. It won't stop him from going on tirades about how he hates some sort of strategy or super-power, just because he doesn't understand it. When he does this, he is completely unreasonable and will sometimes just rant in circles for hours on end. Docter Weird will do stuff like claim to know how to break dance, but when you ask him to do it he is usually "too tired" to do it right now. That's usually how it goes for magic too. Yeah, he says he is Magician Ultimatos or something and is charged with protecting the REAL WORLD from other dimensions, but there's no evidence to support if that's true or not true. If questioned, he resorts to something about "Unseen Forces" or "Evils Unknown" or "Invisibles" or "StuffsYouDon'tKnowAbouts". He will often become offended and tell you that you are foolish for questioning his place in this realm, that he knows every magic and you should think twice before doing it again. It's not nice to do stuff like that, it's mean! The worst offense is his near-psychotic willingness to kill a threat using his "magic bullets" from his "artifact" he calls "Agun" (Ah-goon). Strangely this artifact looks and operates entirely like a pistol. When the "spell" from this "device" fails to down a villain, he conveniently explains that some villains' weaknesses are ambiguous or unknown and sometimes magic just doesn't work sometimes. Another worst offense is his claim to a Medical Degree. If someone happens to be wounded, you can count on the supreme Docter Weird to be first at the scene to deal out "medical treatment", which usually results in the damage becoming worse. You may think "why doesn't he try using magic" and he will, but it never works because somehow the wounds are "of an unknown origin from some dimension that he's never heard of". It doesn't matter how many people are crippled or die from his quackery, but to make everything even worse he struts around claiming to be the most genius medical DocTER in the entire world. No one is as smart as he is, he's SO SMART that he knows everything and can do anything. If anyone defeats him, it's because he's having an "off day." Choice Phrases "Well I AM a Docter, you should be thanking me just for existing!" "Stand back! For this portal I opened on purpose leads to parts strange and unknown!" "Why? WHY don't you want to take me with you!? I can help, I am important. Don't you think I'm important enough for you?!" "I don't WANT to learn how to fly. Can't you just give me a ride? It's dangerous out there and my uh magic powers are waning right now" "It's simple, really. The substances in that guy's suit nullifies the magic in these bullets! You'll have to do the work" "It's no use, this will not work on a villain such as that!" "What I do is very important, but that's not important right now!"